


you were everything to me

by lesbianbey



Category: The Get Down (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drugs mention, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, also i'm terrible at aave...and i'm black..., and thor/dizzee'a relationship, lol sorry, mentions of mylene, sexual abuse mention, this is the most angsty fic I've ever written
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-21
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-10-08 17:33:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10392159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbianbey/pseuds/lesbianbey
Summary: "I know you Shao. You the one nigga that would tell me something's wrong without even telling me what's wrong." Shao rolls his eyes, but he gotta admit...Zeke is right.





	1. 1978.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm sorry this is so terrible and I wrote this for only a couple hours but like...I wrote something on tumblr that if shao lives, his friendship with zeke would fizzle out and i wrote like...three scenarios and they all sucked ass lemme tell you
> 
> lmao anyways cry with me because we got a few weeks until part two

1978.

The eerie quietness of nightfall dawns upon Shaolin as he is deep in thought. This is an everyday mood, even if it is different. It's definitely constant after the high from his performances with the Get Down Brothers die down, and he's just remembering that despite his successes, (if he can call it that) he's just another nigga from the Bronx. It's also constant when the crew is celebrating amongst themselves and he just needs quiet time, but Shao knows damn well that those kids ain't gonna leave until close to sunrise. He doesn't care though - his temple is their temple.

Sometimes Zeke would sneak up here and they would just bask in the moonlight for hours and hours, saying absolutely nothing. Shao would occasionally hear the scratching of a pencil on paper, some mumbling, the metal part of the pencil hitting the floor...it's music to his ears. It's aesthetically pleasing. It's the only noise he will tolerate.

Shao relaxes even more on the wooden chair when he feels that familiar presence sitting right next to him, saying nothing; maybe a small, annoyed, 'I'm trying to get your attention nigga' sigh but maybe Shao's hearing is playing tricks on him. His heart skips a beat, and at this point he should get used to it but...he's not. He remembers what happened earlier at the club - some hot shot 'Toby' lookin' ass approached Zeke with a record deal and it's a huge one, apparently. Shao doesn't like it one bit, because Zeke is his key to getting the hell out of the Bronx and its fucking issues, but it seems like the talented wordsmith is the only one who looks like he's gonna get out soon.

The thought makes the tension even thicker. "Are you gonna at least say sumthin'?"

Shao doesn't meet his gaze. "What's there to talk about, B? You got yourself a deal. I suggest you take it before he pursues some other nigga."

Zeke folds his hands together. "You know I'm not gonna take some random ass record deal without you by my side."

"Oh so now it's random?" Shao fully faces Zeke, glaring at him. "He clearly doesn't want me, he wants you. So I don't even know why we having this conversation."

"We're having this conversation because clearly...you ain't ok with it. Ever since we came back here, you haven't even glanced at me, and I want my man to be honest with me." The silence makes Zeke even more angry. "What the fuck is your problem, Shao?"

"The fuck is _my_ problem? What makes you think we have a fuckin' problem?"

"I know you Shao. You the _one_ nigga that would tell me something's wrong without even telling me what's wrong." Shao rolls his eyes, but he gotta admit...Zeke is right. "What, you don't trust the guy or sumthin'? I mean, I get it because he's white but—"

"It's not that!" Shao stops Zeke from finishing his sentence. "It ain't even like that, B. Honestly, man. It's nothing."

Zeke shakes his head, not happy with that bullshit answer. "Whatever." Giving up, he simply gets up from the chair and is about to head back inside when he feels a hand on his wrist pulling him back. Zeke turns around and stares Shao dead in his face, but he can't read his face. It's not void of emotion, but he can't pinpoint what he sees. His thoughts come to a halt when Shao kisses him.

Zeke widens his eyes in shock, fighting the urge to shut his eyes. He really fights, hard, to not enjoy it because...he's been waiting on this for so long, but instead he pushes Shao away. He catches his breath, staring at Shao with pure shock, and if Shao was observant at all, he would see the fear written all over his face. He backs up, until his back collides with the door.

"Zeke." It's the first time he's ever heard Shao call him that, and it's the most intimate sound in his life. However, he just keeps running, ignoring the shouts from his friends, and basically anything else telling him to go back.

Shao sighs shakingly, fighting back tears. "Shit!"

It's been weeks since the incident, and Shao knows very well it's his fault for allowing shit to get hella awkward. Ra-Ra told him that Zeke signed the deal and is now making his first single, and Shao wishes him nothing but happiness. However, it's bittersweet. Their partnership is strained, simply because of a fucking kiss.

Shaolin never uses his words correctly...at least to himself. When he wants to say what he wants to say, he would much rather act upon it, which is why he kissed Zeke instead of being upfront with how he felt. He's always felt a connection with Zeke, that's way deeper than he can understand. The day they first met was a complete mess, because he was trying to get a record to become a DJ while Zeke was trying to get the same record for his girl, who ain't even that fuckin' special. However, when Zeke opened his mouth, Shao knew he was the one. Wordsmith? Yeah...but...what other nigga kisses his fucking wordsmith just because there's some deep, psychological connection? Like, that's that faggot shit. Who does that?

Well, he shouldn't be saying that because he knows what's going on with Dizzee, but...still.

How can he even face Zeke again? It would just be a bad time for the both of them, and Shao doesn't want that. He definitely wants to see Zeke be the star that he is, but he knows he's probably holding Zeke back with his issues, his past involvement in the drug scene, and...his feelings.

Groaning, Shao throws his joint on the floor, stomps on it, and goes back inside. The eerie silence inside and out the temple isn't comforting anymore as he realizes that the dream is dead.


	2. 1996.

1996.

The lights shut off for the final time on the stage as the last of the concert goers exit the venue. Zeke ignores Boo Boo's attempts to get him to leave, but he should be used to it by now. Zeke always stands there, looking at nothing and everything, hoping for the same damn thing but it never happens.

"Nigga, get yo' silly ass off the stage already!" Boo Boo is fed up. Zeke sighs and turns on his heel to exit the stage and smack Boo Boo across the head. "Yo, what the fuck, my dude?"

"What the fuck do you want, Boo?"

"I was saying, before you slapped me across the head...there's someone here to see you." Zeke furrows his eyebrows, hoping that Boo Boo didn't set him up with a groupie again. The last one didn't leave Zeke alone for ages and it took a while to get rid of her. "And no, they're not a groupie. I assure you."

Zeke still doesn't trust Boo Boo. "Yeah, right. Where is the little groupie?"

"So, I'm a groupie now." Zeke tenses upon hearing the smooth voice of someone he hasn't seen in years. "You ain't gonna reduce me to one of your little females, now are you, Books?"

Zeke turns around, his eyes full of tears. "Shao." As if nothing happened between them, he gives his ex-mentor a hug. Shao hesitates before returning the favor. "I didn't...I—"

"You think I would miss your last show before you go overseas?" Shao isn't telling the complete truth, but Zeke couldn't tell. Zeke lets go, and really looks at his old friend. Nothing has changed, really. He's still wearing red, with the pristine Pumas on his feet, and he still got that smile. It makes Zeke weak in the knees. "I would never do that." Zeke's still at a loss for words, which surprises Shao. "Say somethin' nigga. You making me nervous."

Zeke laughs, and slaps Shao on the arm. "Shut up. I just…" he sighs, upon remembering the last time they talked. "Come on." He motions Shao to his dressing room, hoping that this time, he can talk about what happened eighteen years ago. He hasn't told anyone what happened on the roof, mostly because he was scared of the outcome. What would his friends say upon hearing that Shao kissed him, especially around that time period? It isn't better now, even though Dizzee came out years back and received little to no backlash. "I can't believe you're here."

"Yeah, uh...someone gave me a ticket after they recognized me."

"I bet it was Boo Boo's triflin' ass...or maybe Ra-Ra. One of those niggas—"

"Actually, it was Mylene." Zeke looks at Shao like he has two heads. "Yeah, she was like how you was brooding over me for the past eighteen years and that's she's tired of it and after that she gave me the ticket. I thought she still hated me to be honest, so I gave her that same look you giving me right now."

Zeke chuckles under his breath. He gotta thank Mylene later for that. "Wow...that surprised the hell outta me."

"Nigga, imagine how _I_ felt! It was so weird. She even told me, 'have fun'. What is up with yo' girl?"

"She's not my girl." Zeke scratches the back of his neck, avoiding Shao's eyes. "We broke up years ago...but we're still friends."

"Y'all broke up? I thought you was gonna wife her up soon."

Zeke truly hasn't told anyone about what happened but Mylene knew what was up. She supported him, while everyone else was kept in the dark. She never liked Shao, and Zeke suspects that she probably still doesn't like him, but she loves Zeke and the one thing she wanted most of all was for Zeke to be happy, and if that means allowing Zeke to be with the person he really wants, then so be it. Who was Mylene to stop him anyway? Did Yolanda stop her brother from dating that white boy? Why would she stop Zeke? "I thought so too, but, it is what it is."

Shao feels a sense of relief, but he ignores it. He's not gonna address that. Not now. "I see Boo Boo's your bodyguard."

"And Ra-Ra's my right hand man. The best one too."

"To be honest, I was expecting that li'l nigga to write a comic book series."

"I'm still waiting on that." It's silent again, and Zeke's staring at Shao again.

Feeling weirded out, Shao furrows his eyebrows. "Why you starin' at me like that?"

"It's just...the last time we saw each other—"

"I know. I uh, I guess we should talk about that." Even after eighteen years, Shao still feels shitty for what happened. Their friendship falling out, the series of events that were both positive and negative, the nightmares and therapy… "I understand if you were mad—"

'I was never mad. Yeah, I was surprised, but I was never mad at you for kissing me." In an instant, Zeke's repressed feelings about what happened come back, and he can't explain it, but it's stronger than he expected. "What I was mad about, is that you avoided me for weeks, months, years. You made it seem like it never happened...like our friendship before that meant nothing to you." Zeke doesn't regret sounding harsh, because he really wants Shao to know he felt. It was heartbreaking.

Shao casts his eyes down, in regret. "That's not true. It was never like that—"

Zeke scoffs, in complete disbelief. "Then what was it like, Shao? Because…for years I felt so empty...and don't get me wrong, I'm really happy to see you, but I'm also really upset."

Shao clenches his fists, sighing angrily. "It wasn't easy for me. I couldn't come to you about something that I didn't even understand myself. I always wanted you to become the best that you can be and get the fuck out of the Bronx, but I wanted to be there, by your side. I wanted to get out of there too. I wanted to leave everything behind...the club scene, the drugs, the abuse…" Shao exhales, hoping that this doesn't set off a panic attack. Despite the help he's received, even the sole mention of her will set him off. "But, I didn't want to hold you back."

"You were never holding me back! You would never, ever hold me back!" Zeke almost reaches out, but stops himself. "I told you this from the beginning, Shaolin. I got your back, and I meant for real. I would always look out for you. Nothing, not even a fucking kiss, would stop me from ever supporting you, or being by your side...you could've just told me about that. I would've helped you—"

"No, the fuck you wouldn't, Ezekiel. It was about you. It was always about you. I never understood what it meant to have a connection with someone. The only person I trusted was Flash before I met you. He was a mentor to me but I ain't never felt that connection with him. He was only there to guide me, much like how I helped you, I guess. But, with you…" Shao stops himself for a moment, preparing for his next sentence. "You were _way_ more than some ticket out of hardship. You were _everything_ to me."

The silence is unnerving, but neither of them know what to say. Zeke couldn't even compete with what Shao just said. He just said everything he always wanted, ever since that damn kiss...well, actually it was before that, but it was more significant after the kiss. He reaches over and pulls Shao in his embrace again, while Shao looks at him tenderly.

"I love you." Hearing those words come out of Zeke's mouth is basically the best song Shao's ever heard. He's never heard anyone tell him that, but it's special. It's exhilarating. It's calming, like those birds flying out of his old coop and watching them be carefree. It's like those nights after a performance, where he's sitting on the roof and there's nothing but moonlight. it's like that.

"I love you too." Zeke closes the gap between them, and there's no shock or hesitance. Just love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me in the comments how much I am bad at endings. I know lol.


End file.
